“Does your church really “NEED” its Youth? Do the Youth In your church really “NEED” your church?” This is the topic of a new book that I am writing. Do these questions sound silly? You might be quick to answer YES to both questions but be careful. My research reveals another side to these questions. The keyword is “NEED.” I am sure most church pastors and elders would say “Of course we need our teenagers.” And I am sure that most church pastors and elders would say that their church teenagers certainly NEED the church. But really?
In my youth ministry training conferences and seminary classes, I have always said that the“Greatest Need of a Teenager” is to be needed by someone. Not just loved, wanted, appreciated, accepted, respected, or cared for, but “needed.” The best defini<on of “needed” that I can find is that of the Marian-Webster dic<onary which simply defines “needed” as “necessary.” This is not just my opinion, but that of many adolescent psychologists. And it is true for Christian and non-Christian teens as well. One of the sad discoveries by all those I know who have written about why Christian youth leave the church and/or their faith after high school is that those who left did not feel truly NEEDED by the church and felt they were never really asked or challenged to make a serious contribution to the church mission and vision. As a result, when they leave high school and get out into the “world,” they begin looking for someone or some “CAUSE” that truly takes them seriously
and truly NEEDS them and makes them feel necessary. And interestingly the research also reveals that those relatively few who did not leave the church, or their faith testified that one of the big reasons for staying was that they felt that their church made them feel not only needed but demonstrated that by allowing them to take serious ministry and leadership roles in the church.
The consequence of not feeling “needed” or “necessary” by the church may result in the
church youth thinking and feeling that they, in turn, do NOT NEED the church... and then begin to wonder if God needs them or wants them and begin to say to themselves, “Do I need GOD or Want Him?”
Wherever I have been around the world teaching on this topic, I look for a married couple in
the room. I have always found such a couple in more than 25 countries. When I identify the couple, I address the wife and say to her, “What would happen to your marriage if one day your husband approached you and said, ‘Dear wife, I love you, respect you, care for you, appreciate you, and provide for you. You can stay in my house and have all the money and things you need, but I just want to say that I really do not NEED you any longer.’” After telling the wife this, I ask her how long she thinks the marriage would last after hearing this from her husband? In every instance the wife’s response is “not very long” or “it would be over instantly.” If the husband or wife believes or feels that they are not needed, the relationship is in trouble and will likely end. Likewise, if the Christian youth in our churches are made to “feel” like they are not “needed” by the church, then when they can make their own decisions, they will likely leave their church, or worse leave or put their faith on the shelf. Sad but true. And remember “perception” is 95% of reality! If the church sends the signal by their actions or lack of action that the youth are not really “needed” but are simply loved and tolerated, then those feelings turn into beliefs that will eventually cause them to act on those
feelings. They will begin to believe that “if the church does not need me, then I don’t need the church.” And worse they will start to believe that if God doesn’t need me or “want” me then I don’t need or want God. Indeed, God does not “need” anyone, but in respect to God, better than needing us, He WANTS us, and therefore He CHOOSES to “need” us and make us feel NECESSARY in his ultimate plan for the Great Commission.
It has been said that perception is 95% of reality! What does it mean to feel needed by God,
who has been described as not needing anyone? I am also writing a book on the teenagers in the Bible to whom God gave incredibly serious tasks and ministry duties. Yes God wants, loves, and chooses to “need” teenagers. I am up to 37 such teenagers so far. Many Bible scholars now propose that as many as 10 out of the 12 disciples of Jesus were teenagers when Jesus recruited them! If God the Father and Jesus chose to use teenagers in serious ministry positions, why doesn’t the church? Anne Frank, the Jewish teenager who hid from the Germans in the Netherlands and died in a German death camp at age 16, referring to the Jewish people, wrote in her diary, “It must be awful to feel you are not needed.” An anonymous person is quoted as having said, “Tell me when I am no longer needed, and I shall GO.” It is a dibicult thing to feel unwanted. But to feel “wanted” and yet not “needed” is hard to bear and can lead to feelings of rejection in one’s heart. Let’s truly make our youth in our church feel and BE needed! If they are truly needed then we as a church will give them the opportunity, training, position, support, and encouragement to demonstrate that they are in fact needed to move the church forward in its vision and mission. We the church must come to the conclusion that young people can indeed make a significant contribution to “their” church.
If you want to know more (sources, references, documentation) or make comments about
this study and topic, email me at Youthmam1@aol.com and ask for more information on how youth feel about being needed by the church, and what we can do to make them not only “FEEL” needed but “BE” needed! Too many times, we in the church do ministry “For” and “To” our youth, but not “WITH” our youth. Youth not only WANT to be part of the church ministry team but if we want them to stay with the church, they should be considered VITAL to that team. God LOVES youth, USES youth, and CALLS youth to critically important ministry, and SO SHOULD THE CHURCH!
Youth Ministry Training, Follow Jesus, church training, youth ministry experience.
We all need to be needed, but especially youth!